Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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