Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
