found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize