maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
