Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
