He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
