i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
