im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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