the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
