He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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