I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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