why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
