You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
