it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
