Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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