Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
