the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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