well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
