Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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