all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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