I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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