her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
