I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
