I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
