So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
