i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
