i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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