Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
