She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
