I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
