From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
