you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
