oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
