I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
