Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
