omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
