I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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