i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
