Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
