I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
