I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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