He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
