I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
