You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
