The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
