somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
