and you said cock pushups were impossible
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
