Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
