wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
