Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
