no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
