and you said cock pushups were impossible
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize