didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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