ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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