Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When are your genitals available?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
