It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
