Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
