im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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