I hate your face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
