And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
