He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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