Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
