This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
