sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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