Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
