My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
