Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
