this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
