I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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