she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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